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Torchwood - Small Worlds

23:00 - Torchwood, then. Could it be possible for it to be any more predictable? Apparently it can.

Also I'm rather disappointed by the lack of Gwen Being Stupid, as it means I won't be able to make fun of her in this commentary.

Anyway, please step back in time one hour with me, and read this commentary what I wrote.

22:58(ish) - Since it seems to be all the rage right now, I thought I might as well write my very own Torchwood episode review. Also due to the fact that this article contains a review of a Torchwood episode, I thought it appropriate to title it "Torchwood - Small Worlds", as opposed to, say, "A reflection on modern Taiwanese literature and it's effect on world leaders".

So, without further ado, (mainly because the episode starts in 2 minutes and I intend to type it while watching), I present to you my review of Torchwood - Small Worlds. (23:21 - Although the observant among you will have already noticed that this is infact a commentary, and not a review)


22:00 - Bollocks, I think I missed the start while fetching my tea. Did I mention I was going to be eating while watching and reviewing? Well, I am.

22:01 - Mmm, pie.

22:01 - Intro credits. Guess I didn't miss it, then.

a hole

22:02 - Why the fuck is he sleeping in a hole in the ground? 22:50 - Why the fuck is he even sleeping? Didn't he say a couple of episodes ago that he doesn't sleep?

22:03 - Why the fuck is Itano still alive? Surely harboring a cyberwoman is tantamount to treason and punishable by death?

22:05 - "Cum away"? Is that really an appropriate phrase to use to scare off a peadophile?

He's going to die

22:08 - He's about to get run over, then.

He's still going to die

22:09 - Well, close enough. He *did* impact with a car, afterall.


Amazingly, Gwen wasn't the one being the dunce in this scene

22:15 - "Are you saying our machines can't pick them up?" "Nothing can" OH YES THAT'S WHY YOU HAVE PHOTOGRAPHS OF THEM, ISN'T IT.

See? I told you he was going to die

22:19 - 21st century flower arranging, there

22:20 - She's going to be the one causing all the trouble, then.

22:22 - Let's see, she was hunting them when she was a child, Jack protected her, and now they want her back.

22:23 - Hello! Your cat is dead! Walking into a trap! OK, maybe the cat wasn't dead, but still a trap.

He's also going to die

22:30 - He's dead, then.

Worthy of an oscar

22:32 - Great acting, there.

22:34 - Going to hammer himself to a tree, then.

22:35 - Fine then, don't hammer yourself to a tree. You're still going to DIE.

22:36 - Death by barbecue, perhaps?

22:39 - Except that you're about to DIE.

Jack Harkness, interplanetary superhero, standing still like a moron and getting strangled by a fairy

22:40 - Hello? You don't just stand there and let it choke you. You take out a gun and shoot it in the head!

Overall, the outro credits were the most predictable part

22:46 - That was boring and predictable, then.

22:46 - Hey, I missed the bit where Jack says everything changes. Yay!

About this entry


I thought it was much better than this 'review' suggests. If you didn't see the episode don't now think 'oh, seeing as it was rubbish, I won't watch it' please do watch it. Bit of a spoiler here - appears Jack was around in 1909, and in Lahore no less (as my history is terrible does anyone know what was going on there at that time?). What does this mean? Has he travelled in time or does he just stay the same age? The latter would suggest that he's much more than what everyone first thought. I cannot wait to discover the truth behind all this. What if Jack was in 1909 after his WW2 stint?

By Sycorax82
November 13, 2006 @ 1:45 am

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I thought this was by far the best episode so far, even if including quiet little girls who seem to know something while nursery rhymes play in the background can sometimes be a bit of a lazy way to generate a scary atmosphere. The concept - fairies not being what they're made out to be - was a bit reminiscent of Terry Pratchett's Lords and Ladies - not a bad thing.

By Nick R
November 13, 2006 @ 9:40 am

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It was an okay episode. I would have thought better of it if it wasn't for one minor detail (which popped up twice).

Torchwood have a super secret base accessed through a secret door behind a little shop, and another secret entrance next to that water feature thing.

Their vehicle has "TORCHWOOD" on it in big bold letters - in black on the wing, and on the roof - was it orange?

Actually, okay - it doesn't ruin the episode, just the entire bloody concept of Torchwood.

By VinceH
November 13, 2006 @ 9:53 am

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I comPLETEly forgot to watch this last night, which is quite a damning indictment of how the series has been so far. And yet, I was quite looking forward to this one, because of the writer, and because it seemed a bit more interesting and atmospheric. Hopefully I've not had it spoiled too much by this...

By Seb
November 13, 2006 @ 10:34 am

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"They were happy. *Too* happy."

Oh God this episode was awful.

Also noteworthy : I liked the way they exhausted every available option before deciding letting the girl go was the only way. "What else was I supposed to do ?" Erm, you could have tried shooting one of them, for example (as it looks like you're going to do next week - guns only allowed in alternate weeks ?).

By Andy M
November 13, 2006 @ 10:35 am

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Also noteworthy : I liked the way they exhausted every available option before deciding letting the girl go was the only way. "What else was I supposed to do ?"

I thought this was almost something to do with Jack who can't die, and the fairies saying the girl could live forever, or something like that. I'm not quite sure what to make of it though.

By Jake Monkeyson
November 13, 2006 @ 10:53 am

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Ironic that the show should be sold partly on its sexual content, given how utterly impotent Torchwood were this week.

I mean, aside from finding bodies and letting things happen much as they would anyway, do any of them actually DO anything this week?!

By Andrew
November 13, 2006 @ 4:01 pm

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Best episode so far. Nice enough concept, well-paced, satisfying story, lots of Jack. There were a few flaws here and there were things could have been done more effectively but I was happy enough to go along with the story. 4/5.

By Rad
November 14, 2006 @ 9:48 pm

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