Pop music can Fuck Off
Did that get your attention? No? Well, you can fuck off too.
This isn't going to be a story about the music you like, this is going to be a story about the music I like. And judging by most of the article archives here, it's completely different to any of the music you like. Which is going to be a right bugger for writing this article, because it's going to decrease my chances of convincing you to listen to any of it, and make my job of explaining it all the more difficult.
But in the interests of doing my part, I'm going to give it a shot. And I'm going to be angry and wordy about it, to ensure that I don't have to worry about sounding like a twat - because it will be guaranteed by the tone of the article.
Pop music, then
For the most part, it's shit. It's basically 1,000,000 different ways of saying "Let's fuck", except not always as politely as this. It's like the whole industry is a stuck record, merely wobbling between styles every couple of years or so. Note that my definition of 'pop music' includes pretty much anything that gets played on mainstream UK radio stations, from 'true' pop, to rap, rock, etc. I'm not an expert on musical types, and the boundaries between definitions can be blurred at best, but I do know what I do and don't like.
There is occasionally some pop music I like, but I'm hardly going to talk about that here, am I?
Alternative music, then
So if I don't like 'popular' music, surely I must like 'unpopular', or 'alternative' music? Well, at least that's the broad category that it's been branded with. Some may call it rock, some may call it metal, but as stated above the boundaries are blurred at the best of times. I'm not even going to attempt to say what genre it is in general, just the genres that Wikipedia tell me certain bands are. I like to do my research proper, see?
The gates of hell
Well, that's what some people might call it. But I call it ChroniX Aggression, a listener-supported (That means free, commercial free, and they're happy to accept demo tracks from new performers) alternative radio station running over Shoutcast (That means the internets). 99% of the music I list below is stuff you can hear on there (Well, actually all of it, since I only have limited space).
I'm crap at describing music in general, so I'll just dive right in and describe a few tracks/bands. I'll also attempt to cover a wide spectrum of styles, to highlight the wide spectrum that's on offer, and to increase the chances of sucking you away from pop crap and onto some music that'll put hair on your chest.
..are just two examples of some of the 'classic' rock bands that ChroniX play. They're still just as good now as they were back then, and I'm sure they don't need any introduction. Apart from the one above, of course.
There's a couple of Maiden tracks I'll list here. First is The Wicker Man, because I think it could have easily been written about our good Doctor:
|You watch the world exploding every single night,||The good Doctor's been around for a while, and seen plenty of empires rise and fall.|
|Dancing in the sun a newborn in the light.||He likes a good laugh, and his habit of regenerating always keeps him fresh.|
|Say goodbye to gravity and say goodbye to death,||He has a spaceship. No gravity in space! He also has a very long lifespan, made all the longer by his ability to regenerate.|
|Hello to eternity and live for every breath.||See? He can live forever, and go to whatever time he wants. But he's still very much alive, battling aliens so stupid humans can go about their business of being stupid.|
|Your time will come, your time will come...||What's this? Pissed off a few alien races? They're gathering for revenge? No way out? Yes, but we know that the Doctor will gladly go down fighting.|
The other one I'll mention here is Fear of the Dark. Now this is a proper song, with a proper length - 7+ minutes, unlike the 3 or 4 minute crap that you usually get from pop groups. Good musicians aren't afraid of making something long, you see.
...just happen to have come on now, so I guess I'll talk about them now. Plus they were second on my list anyway, and there's one good reason for that - the Strength of the World is on my shoulders. (Actually it's the Beast and the Harlot, but that's another story). Avenged Sevenfold, as unlikely as it seems, have actually based their name and many of their songs around the Bible. So if you read the Bible, you should clearly listen to them, or God will be very angry, or something. Yeah, he gets like that. And if you don't read the bible, you clearly should listen to Avenged Sevenfold as well, so you know what you're missing out on.
So, what's so good about Strength of the World? Well first of all, it's a decent length - 9+ minutes. And it's got a fair mix of styles mixed in it. The track starts off with the grandure of a wild-west themed, er, thing (I told you I was good at music, didn't I?), before opening up into the unrelenting rock/metal beat, followed by the lyrics themselves. Finally it comes full circle, ending with the same wild-westy stuff. And it's fantastic.
...are from Finland. A fair number of the bands I like seem to be from Europe, which shows one thing: America sucks. Yeah.
Anyway, the song I'll give a special mention here is Don't Stop At The Top. Although it's a cover it still sounds great, especially when combined with their unique musical and vocal style.
...NOT. Oh, sorry, that's actually from one of their songs. NOT.
Keyboards are great, aren't they?
Anyway, the song is, of course, I'm The Man, in all it's rap-comedy glory. Not that any of their other music is bad, or that they can't be serious, but I just thought I'd pick that one out. NOT.
...are on ChroniX too. Originally I was planning on mentioning just a few bands and songs, but then ended up mentioning loads, such as Type O Negative, Cradle of Filth, Ra, Ill Nino, In Flames, HORSE The Band, 3, Sentenced, Fear Factory, Flaw, Rammstein, Megaherz, Arch Enemy, Dimmu Borgir, White Zombie/Rob Zombie/Scum of the Earth, Adema, Powerman 5000, Mushroomhead, Lacuna Coil, Healer, Spike 1000, Otep, Opeth, Kittie, etc. And then realised that was a shit idea, so went back to mentioning a few. Suffice to say, 99% of the music that gets played is either excellent or OK. But, there's always...
Yes, there's trouble in paradise. ChroniX has a wide range of music, and not all of it tickles my fiancee. Erm, fancy. It's basically because it's shit. Some of the music will get removed from the system, but there are a couple of hangers-on that I can't fathom at all.
= shit. Har, did you see what I did there?
= shit. I'm ace at making jokes, I am.
Luckily for Korn they're slightly less shit than Slipknot, which means they're slightly lower down my kill list. In fact I actually not-dislike one of their songs, Alone I Break. Possibly because it seems to be a completely different style to all their other shit.
So, I've said my piece. Chances are a lot of you won't agree with it. I'm not saying you're shit (Unless you're a member of Slipknot or Korn), just that I (probably) don't like the music that you like. You're welcome to try and convince me otherwise, but I reserve the right to ignore you completely if I so wish. Much like you reserve the right to dismiss this article completely, or avoid reading it altogether.
But if you're willing to dispute the greatness of some of the bands mentioned here, bring it on. I'll be the one stood in combat gear in the middle of the street mowing down Slipknot fanboys with a minigun. Bring it on, bitches!